My Journal 37 . Changing People

person in blue and white plaid shirt holding brown cardboard box

Many a times we want to change people around us especially our dear ones to see for their betterment , happiness and success. Sometimes to make relations work , to get better out of a relation, for them to have better relations . This isn’t easy because not everybody is willing to change, nor is easy to make people do what you believe in for them .People around can have behaviours , attitudes , dependencies , compulsions , weakness or nature that can form troubles for self and others , bond self , restrict to living their life to fullest. This is mostly identified and complained about by our family or close friends when they want to see us break away from these negative traits.

The greatest mistake with our expectation of changing others comes from it being immediate, which can never happen .And that we want it to be just as we decide, that too won’t happen it may be a mid way through or some other way. It will be a process sometimes gradual, casual or planned . Sometimes a course of events , sometimes planned and executed. These changes could happen when found right reasons or ways to make them happen .This is a process of working out ways , making progress and make changes from newer details gathered in between the process. There is no fixed strategy or path for change as it varies from person, to past, to situations and issues.

Most of all its in the acceptance, to believe and have a solid reason that drives from within for a person to change self, than pushed from outside by another. Then sticking to those plans or routines and taking helping hand or guidance and support to go through the process. These motivation for change could be different for everybody some would do it for self improvement , some to achieve a goal professionally , some for relations they value , some who want to break from their own negative traits. More than advising for change give them a insight, reason how change can affect their lives , ways it could be worked on , difference it will make to them.Its not a simple process but right support and help makes it easier with a strong motivation and will. You work with them being a part of the process . It cant be forced . Unless they are willing on their own to bring on this change , knowing why they need it the most , how it affects their life , what would they want to achieve and the process and help they will receive.

Instead of being judgmental of their actions , and past focus should be in only opening up , connecting and identifying through this the reasons or triggers to such actions or nature . While changing another ,Do not put yourself into this expressing your feelings or emotions and effects on you instead of making it personal, focus on the change to come . Because you talking how all of the past affected you or others makes them become more defensive and support their own actions and decision , show empathy and see through their side to help them open up. Help them speak or label their feelings and thought behind them to allow them to be able to identify reasons.Only after that can you help them know what could they think about or work n to achieve that control , potential in them or rebuild themselves . Of all truth can alone help one face ones inner weakness or strength , truth helps to break those bonds that hold them down, which only is known to self .

Many a times when pushed for a change is always confronted with anger or indifference . It not that one doesn’t believe in change, its difficult to break out of one comfort zone, preference , style that becomes very deeply engraved in ones life and thought process over a long time . Hence change at later stages of life always seems even more difficult. This is where parents and mentors make that additional effort to help kids work on these changes at right age identifying them and guiding through the process.

Changing people is never easy , sometimes we take it upon ourselves , we help them work , sometimes let time take the course , empathise and connect . Reasoning , motivation, support and a strong will makes the process of change possible and have patience to see it happen.

Copyright © 2021 Gayatri Bagayatkar, All rights reserved.

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