In one of my previous post i have spoken of realities of motherhood, challenges and reflections as parents.
One more thing that also holds true is not everybody has a good childhood due to poverty ,bad parenting , childhood abuse or broken homes , to substance abuse and homes with frequent clashes or quarrels. Growing up in such environment or frequently being subjected to such conditions or victim of any kind of abuse or sexual exploitation damages the most important part of life , childhood and affects for lifetime.
The problem having a bad childhood and being subjected to physical or emotional abuse by ones own parents can have effects manifolds in the life of the child and even thereafter. Parents displaying extreme form of anger ,physically hurting the child or terrorizing them , displaying rage as if the Childs every act is punishable or unforgivable , forcing them to live in fear, expecting children to meet their parents emotional needs or take care of their requirement’s putting self second, parent who only meet the Childs basic needs and show no interest in connecting to them or their feelings, violating the sexual boundaries and many such acts that totally break the child and the image of the parents from their life.
There are many ways such parents actually build or make believe kids to put up with all this . One of the greatest strength is instilling fear in their minds and how parent are very important and everything they do is justified. Or They may loose their greatest support system in this cruel world and their only source for survival and basic needs. Sometimes they instill false moral value how its their duty to cater to or obey all of their parents needs or rules as they are the ones who have brought them into the world and their responsibility to serve the parents is above all. The kid believes if he says no he wont be loved or would be labelled bad if he does not follow what’s been told. Sometimes a negative mindset and low self worth is created in the child mind about self how they deserve what they are being put to because they are lazy , irresponsible .Sometimes a child is blocked to read his own thoughts or feelings or speak about them openly either by threatening or telling them how they are just a burden for others and has no valuable place. Many a times such parent makeup for such acts through material things or fulfil monetary requirements thus keeping the child away from speaking up their mind.Most of these victims suffer in silence because of the shane to speak up or fearing these wont be accepted or cant be spoken about to others.Most of the times even if spoken out they get rejected saying its a figment of imagination or nothing as portrayed.
Another problem with a bad childhood is the criticism you receive from the social circle even when you are a child or as you grow up. As a child facing bad childhood he lives a life not many of his age know or can even understand what the child is being through both at an emotional and physical level. What it is to be in pain and not have the greatest support for kids at that age their own parents .Instead he may face criticism and left out of not having the happiness or love of parents or having such issues at home , this may happen in friend circle or in schools .At that age the child is dealing with double the problems he is subjected to and unable to explain to others how its not his fault and he is just at the receiving end .As one grows up there is always a void because of this missing relationships which is almost impossible to fill up .Many a times this pushes them into wrong decisions and directions in life trying to forget about their situation and living a life of mess or failure. Kids facing bad childhood or abuse become more vulnerable to abuse and more troubles from outside too as they lack support and protection of parents who are to give them protection from outsiders instead many try to take advantage of their situation .
But should let the past define anyone’s future . No it shouldn’t when it wasn’t their fault at all. But not all are equipped to fight their own past that which involves their own parents and tender age of childhood .It effects many important parts of life later in life like relationships , careers and one own parenting .It also effects mental well being because of the trauma the bad childhood caused. Its almost like growing up without parents with even greater problem of being subjected to those trauma by ones whom a child depends on alone when he comes to the world . These effects the image of parents in their mind for a lifetime the one that is of caretaker, caregiver opposed one they were faced .This leaves them out of the majority crowd who have not experienced or even know what it feels to being subjected to bad childhood, even discussing or sharing these memories with another becomes difficult .These incidents also shape their choices or decisions later in life very much , in fear of not having to put up with these kind of issues or face such circumstances again in ones life.
Many of them go with therapies later in life as they develop troubles in different areas of life. And these therapists help them how these pasts have been interfering with their current life’s , how these past have made use of wrong beliefs instilled at that young age and which may be continuing to exist now. How to identify and understand the truth behind these beliefs and how true they really are. Some of them work through other alternative therapies of healing or holistic medicines or finding support system who help them out of their past .
Sometimes one can learn to be strong on their own leaving the past behind , realizing ones past is not what is under one control but we can take control of our future Letting go of the past,. Its not easy forgetting the past but accepting and embracing it was apart of life and learning to live with it at the same time letting go off those emotions and memories that tie us down to those parts of life. Focusing energies and thoughts to build a new today and how its totally different from the past . Not wanting everybody to sympathize or understand your situation as they will never know or even want to know what it could be like having a bad childhood and the void it creates .But learn to stand up for oneself and not let the past mess up your current life .Setting up example being a survivor and still making it through it for all those who have been there.
The past cant be changed but don’t let it ruin your current life and future. Yes it takes a lot of struggle regularly sometimes often to fight the two versions of life one has lived one that has long lasting impact and a life that lies ahead without holding the past impressions . It isn’t easy as said because we all are finally collection of memories especially with our loved ones and what our childhood makes us. But even after all this if someone has survived and tried to live a better life and taken the step to make a change despite all odds one faced , they need to be looked up as example by all, as they are fighting the most difficult fight ,a part of their own life that too the most valuable one childhood and pains inflicted by the most valuable relations in the world.